It’s that time of year. Love is in the air, couples huddle together on snowy nights, and aisle after aisle in the grocery store is filled with gifts for all of the Valentines.
And I am, as always, single.
Now, I am by no means one of those people who hate Valentine’s Day–in fact, I’ve always loved the idea of a day dedicated to celebrating love of all forms. But I was never really the recipient of that love, both romantic and platonic. Year after year in high school, I would watch the little Valentine’s treats be bought and passed out in my classes, only for none to show up at my desk. Year after year, I would watch the couples and be happy for them, but wonder why I never got flowers or love notes.
Well, maybe you should’ve told people you wanted something.
That thought creeps in every now and then, but one issue prevents me from doing so: I was the easy kid. I was the kid no one had to worry about. Wouldn’t I become a problem if I took up space like that?
Now, I’ve still had no luck with romance, and I’ll be spending this Valentine’s at a career fair instead of a nice restaurant, but what I’ve been thinking about more is how my lack of romance has translated into how I write my romances.
While I don’t write much pure romance, I do have a few romantic plot lines woven into the chaos of my stories. And in all of them, there are themes of deserving and protection.
Does the character deserve to have someone love them? Is there something they prove to someone they’re ready for the comfort of another person? Do they have to suffer for love?
Then, when the opportunity for love arrives, what if they mess it up? What if they hurt the person they care about most? What if everything they’re fighting for is all for naught, and they’re once again left alone?
My characters aren’t really confident about doing the right thing in a romantic relationship (and often even platonic ones), but unlike myself, that doesn’t prevent them from trying. They act on their feelings, and reach out for who they love.
And, even more importantly, they do mess up. It’s not some Hallmark movie where romance is just the kiss. Romance is the fumbles and slip ups and hesitant decisions when it seems as if the whole world is against you. Then, romance is knowing there is still someone by your side, who you’ll work through the problem with, not against.
Now, I don’t know how many of my couples will get a definite happy ending. After all, they’ve got a lot to handle, and sometimes you have to stop the world from burning down before deciding to figure out how the hell a relationship works. But I know the love is still there, and honestly, the lack of a true ending is more satisfying to me.
Maybe when I find my footing in the world of romance, I’ll finally let my characters settle down in romance themselves.
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